I’m doing well but it still hurts. As always.

Writing is hard. I hate putting words to my feelings because it means they’re real. I can’t pretend the loss of him didn’t scar me. But I’ve learned that processing that pain is tricky. Still it needs to be done. Which is why I try to write during this time of year even if I keep repeating myself.

I saw a lot of The Magnificent Seven the other day. I love that movie. It was such a huge part of Kevin’s soul during the last few years of his life.

I’ve really tried to find some balance in my life this year. Ballet has given me a new way of learning movement that my body can handle. Still working on getting used to the different ways of balancing. Turnouts are improving. Going to switch to Contemporary for the summer.

The music connection I have with Kevin is so strong. Sometimes it feels like he lingers to listen with me for a string of songs. Sometimes I embrace it, other times I reach for stuff that wasn’t his cuppa so he doesn’t linger past that one “random” song because there’s just no time for that when later is now.

And then there’s times when the song takes me back to whatever era that was our jam. We had as many favorite albums as we had random songs he collected the way one did before streaming music.

One of my step cats is working through some health issues. It’s hard when they’re this age. I know what to do with feline teenagers, plus I take my role as stepmom seriously. He’s a great guy and so is his brother. We’ll adjust as a family.

It’s funny how I still have one trigger that is harder to diffuse than others. I need to work on it because I understand it. Just because it started when Carter was POTUS doesn’t give me a pass on it. I’ve worked on so many others. This one’s next. 🙂