daphne · journal

Widowhood Season 8.8: Us And Them

Us and Them, Pink Floyd, The Dark Side of the Moon

This is OUR song, really. “All for Us and None for Them” was a motto we’d say sometimes when facing adversity.

This song is also still hard to listen to. It doesn’t make me “ugly cry” as much anymore. If I hear it in public, I won’t immediately have a meltdown. That’s always good.

So much of who I am today is related to my life with Kevin. All that time we were “Us”, a unit, a couple of soulmates who were incredibly compatible and incredibly flawed. I’m still learning how to reminisce about the good without immediately thinking of the bad. I need to work on accepting each moment for what it was.

As I noted in previous entries this season, validating each other’s likes and dislikes the way nobody had before or since. Through Kevin’s eyes, I began to see myself as a worthy person. My nerdiness was accepted, encouraged, nurtured. I got to learn cool things about stuff like boolean logic, synths, jazz, The Simpsons, and what it’s like to live with cats. I bypassed the normal 20something trappings of going out to bars and clubs and instead smoked weed and watched old movies. In some ways, I’m glad of this, as I’ve had maybe 3 hangovers in my lifetime. Though it does make it hard to relate to people waxing poetic about drunken shenanigans in the late 90’s.

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