daphne · journal

Three of A Perfect Pair

This Pride Month, I’m coming out as Polyamorous. I am currently in a triad relationship with two awesome men. Sweetie, who I’ve been with for the better part of 5 years, and Darling, who I’ve been with for about 6 months. (They’ve been seeing each other a year or so.) This means that the we’re all in love with each other. We love each other equally for who we are.

This is about love. When I’ve talked about my Sweetie these past few months, I felt disingenuous not mentioning Darling. He makes me happy, and I like sharing things that make me happy. If this were just a roll in the hay, this post would not exist. I never speak of my intimate life on this blog, for it’s none of y’alls business.

It’s hard to explain exactly how this works because this is something new for all three of us, but I’ll try. It doesn’t feel forced, there’s no sense of jealousy, and we’re all equals. The emotional labor is shared. We each have strengths that contribute well to the relationship that make us a great team. The three of us all get along so well, it’s amazed us. Darling and I got along well from the time we started talking, which is how we became a triad. Darling fit into the relationship I have with Sweetie quite easily. We all love each other dearly. In fact, it’s been the most balanced relationship I’ve ever been in.

This triad has been a wonderful experience, though the whole pandemic thing caused a 3 month block of time where we couldn’t see each other. Modern technology made it easier, but still–to be away from a budding relationship was difficult for the three of us. We made the best of it, though.

It’s been life-changing to be with two people who are so loving and accepting of me. Who I am is good enough for them. I can be myself around them, which is something I can’t do with very many people. The only way I’ll get married again is if I can marry them both. It wouldn’t feel right if only two of us were married. Luckily, we’re working on a plan to live together in the near future. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to plan a life with these two. It feels like I finally have the kind of life I always wanted but never thought possible.

For whatever it’s worth because some of you may be wondering–Kevin knew I was really wired for polyamory. He wasn’t, so I couldn’t express that part of myself for a long time. (I don’t regret doing that, as Kevin was my soulmate.) Part of what Kevin would say to convince me that him dying wouldn’t be a bad thing is that I’d finally be able to be polyamorous because he wouldn’t be around to get in the way. It was hard to see that as a consolation prize when he was still alive and I knew how painful losing him would be, even if I accepted it would happen. He’s been gone almost six years, and I finally have something he wanted for me. I know he’d be happy for me.

Sweetie and Darling are the loves of my life. This is the kind of love that passes the “love is patient” test. This is something that we all wanted long before we met each other, but it seemed unattainable. Yet here we are, in this day and age, three adults who love each other dearly. Yes, it’s highly unconventional, but love doesn’t always adhere to normal conventions. There will be no human children to think of, ayway. 🙂

Why do I want you to know? I trust you, and therefore I trust you with the truth. I’m not ashamed of being in this relationship. There’s a saying, “Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is multiplied.” I really get it now.

One day perhaps I’ll have this post public. I’m not there yet. But I also want to share this bit of happiness with more people.

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