SB,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know you\u2019ve been with me lately. I can feel you on more than just the wind. In my mind\u2019s eye, I saw us dancing to Mancini the other day. Send a little love my way,<\/em> indeed. I always loved the way you used to do your \u201cMotown Dancing.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Odd little nods everywhere. Songs, song titles, the numbers on the clock. Of course<\/em> you\u2019d never really leave me. Obviously<\/em> you\u2019re in my heart until it stops beating. I carry on bearing your last name. I\u2019m the nerd you so heavily encouraged and influenced. I\u2019m the keeper of your \u201clegacy\u201d and the teller of your stories. Listening to Pet Sounds<\/em> isn\u2019t painful. It\u2019s as encouraging as it was right before I moved in with you! You\u2019ve interjected in conversations with our Mutual Friend, echoing much of what he\u2019s said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I feel you more profoundly when I\u2019m taking steps to living a life worthy of your sacrifice. I know, it\u2019s about time!<\/em> You usually stand back and let me live, but I know you\u2019re sticking closer to me because of the Three Big Things In Six Days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Work: This is a huge plus, helping to enact improvements without being the one who has to take on all the work. I wish I\u2019d been able to find a job like this when you were alive\u2026. Though I\u2019m not sure it existed. Definitely not where we lived! But this is what I need<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Friendship: You were right, (my former) Bestie is a drunk. Unrepentant to the core. Refuses to see Rock Bottom for what it is, because other people have had worse journeys with substance abuse. It\u2019s hard not to cringe and hang my head in shame to think of the issues that person caused me. I could not see what was before me.<\/em> It\u2019s hard reaching the point where I know I\u2019m better off without them in my life. Someone it seems who would rather suffer and self-medicate with \u201cjust beer\u201d than to do the work necessary to have a better life. I wash my hands of [their] demolition\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Residency: It\u2019s time to live alone again. There\u2019s so much I\u2019m missing out on because of the patterns I was repeating. Part of me wants to live my 50\u2019s for the both of us because you barely got to experience them. Part of me wants to embrace the writing talents you dismissed as me being self indulgent. Part of me wants to pay for a place I have full control and access of. Part of me remembers the desire I had since I was a kid to have my own place. Yes, I love living with Darling and the Stepcats, and that I will miss dearly. This isn\u2019t going to be forever, but it needs to be for awhile. I can tell you really want this for me. Isn\u2019t it part of what you wanted my widowhood to look like? You didn\u2019t want me to take care of anyone and be alone, like you were for years before we met. It\u2019s quite an extreme action, but we both know it\u2019s been time for way too long. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And yeah, turning 50 is scaring the fuck out of me. The last decade without you flew by faster than I thought it would. Ok, so the last 5 years in particular. I grew a ton in my 40\u2019s, and I think the next decade will be about finding contentment in building a future that will balance what I want and what I need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I still wonder why you don\u2019t try to visit me in dreams. Of all the things to dream about, it would be great to \u201cvisit\u201d you in the place we said we\u2019d meet at in the Afterworld. Yeah I know, it\u2019s not exactly easy to pull that sorta stuff off. Wouldn\u2019t it be nice?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I think one of the best things I did for myself this calendar year was decide to take dance classes. Polynesian pings my lumbago too much. Finding a dance school that is willing to accept an old lady has been a treasure. Building up my flexibility and working on learning short routines has been both a blast and is an awesome stress reducer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n While writing this, so many songs we both love have been popping up. I know that\u2019s the biggest art form we shared from the beginning<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And yeah, Mutual Friend and I are going to take one of your ideas into the 20\u2019s, taking advantage of the technological advancements that weren\u2019t available to you in the 10\u2019s. We will make you proud. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And I think that\u2019s about all for tonight. I\u2019ve got Contemporary class in 20 and I need to distract myself with Pok\u00e9mon Go so I can center myself a little before I re-channel the \u201cI MISS MY SOULMATE\u201d feels into today\u2019s warmup. <\/p>\n\n\n\n LYLC<\/p>\n\n\n\n 30 Oct 2024<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" SB, I know you\u2019ve been with me lately. I can feel you on more than just the wind. In my mind\u2019s eye, I saw us dancing to Mancini the other day. Send a little love my way, indeed. I always loved the way you used to do your \u201cMotown Dancing.\u201d Odd little nods everywhere. Songs,… Continue reading In Threes, Indeed (another letter to Kevin)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[6,8],"class_list":["post-580","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daphne","category-journal","tag-journal","tag-kevin"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8fVx5-9m","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/580","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=580"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/580\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":581,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/580\/revisions\/581"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=580"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=580"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=580"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}