{"id":517,"date":"2023-07-14T00:16:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-14T00:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/?p=517"},"modified":"2023-07-14T07:52:12","modified_gmt":"2023-07-14T07:52:12","slug":"widowhood-season-8-13-the-mourning-that-comes-into-view","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/widowhood-season-8-13-the-mourning-that-comes-into-view\/","title":{"rendered":"Widowhood Season 8.13: The mo(u)rning that comes into view"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Siberian Khatru, Yes, Close To The Edge<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To me, this song is the prog equivalent to a movie using a “party song” to tie everything up in a neat bow and play until the credits finish rolling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does this mourning really get easier with time? Apparently so. But then again, other things have popped up for me this year that had pretty much been filed away in my head under “trauma to deal with later.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have many moments of “OMG I MISS MY SOULMATE DAMNIT!”, but they no longer make me stop in my tracks to bawl my eyes out because I’m feeling those emotionally painful feels. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It also helps if you know you’re going to focus most of that day<\/em> on what you’ve gained rather than what you lost. Yeah, I’m gonna be in a weird head space, and I have just the two wonderful men to help keep me from getting lost in my head. I’ve done a lot of the work–I want to build new memories to go alongside the old ones. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This song also reminds me of walking to the Trader Joe’s that was down the street from my apartment in the SFV. Bongload, load cassette in the walkman, and enjoy the walk! Back then, the neighborhood was filled with these charming, small apartment buildings full of beautiful rose bushes that had been there roughly a half century. That street is full of many new apartment buildings standing on that same land. I think I can understand better how Kevin felt when we went to Maui (“there’s so many new buildings!”).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I’ve mentioned before, my 20’s weren’t really typical of my peers. Amour Fou May\/December relationships do that, sometimes. Could I have been more productive so my future wasn’t as difficult? Yes, indeed. Was I woefully behind in being able to adult? Somewhat. Was it nice to have someone to help with that? Mostly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, I can’t un-live that part of my life. No second drafts possible. That’s acceptance. I really need to make sure I’ve learned all the lessons I was meant to learn from that part of my life. I kinda feel like I owe Kevin that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m kinda living the typical 20’s in my 40’s. I started out 40 as a widow, and I’ve been determined to do my best to live a life, rather than continue to exist without Kevin. HUGE difference, of course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I gained so much from my years with Kevin, but sometimes it was at the price of my autonomy. Am I stronger? Yes, but only because I had to endure (and process) all that emotional pain. And the processing isn’t over, if I’m completely honest with myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was such a complex relationship, and my feels regarding it will always be mixed. I accept that, which I suppose has made mourning much easier as time has passed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Siberian Khatru, Yes, Close To The Edge To me, this song is the prog equivalent to a movie using a “party song” to tie everything up in a neat bow and play until the credits finish rolling. Does this mourning really get easier with time? Apparently so. But then again, other things have popped up… Continue reading Widowhood Season 8.13: The mo(u)rning that comes into view<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2,4],"tags":[70,10],"class_list":["post-517","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daphne","category-journal","tag-moving-on-2","tag-widowhood"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8fVx5-8l","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":464,"url":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/widowhood-season-8-3-a-love-poet\/","url_meta":{"origin":517,"position":0},"title":"Widowhood Season 8.3: A Love Poet","author":"Daphne Lightner","date":"July 3, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Eggplant, Michael Franks, The Art of Tea I first became aware of Michael Franks in 1998. Kevin bought the CD A Backwards Glance as an introduction. (Probably before we got ADSL.) My life was improved the day my ears met his music for the first time. Yes, I know I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "journal"","block_context":{"text":"journal","link":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/category\/journal\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":455,"url":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/widowhood-season-8-1-breakout\/","url_meta":{"origin":517,"position":1},"title":"Widowhood Season 8.1: Breakout","author":"Daphne Lightner","date":"July 1, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Breakout, Swing Out Sister, It's Better to Travel Circa 1997 (Maybe '96? I was probably living with him, but I can't remember for sure), we were in the Toluca Lake apartment, listening to music, when this song starts to fill the room. (Was he playing the cassette that would later\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "daphne"","block_context":{"text":"daphne","link":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/category\/daphne\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":490,"url":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/widowhood-season-8-6-doris-gets-her-oats\/","url_meta":{"origin":517,"position":2},"title":"Widowhood Season 8.6: Doris gets her oats","author":"Daphne Lightner","date":"July 6, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Two of Us, The Beatles, Let It Be My seminal memory of this song is Kevin and I driving in his '67 Mustang fastback, circa 1997 going to visit his Dad on a Sunday. (It might have been on the way to NAMM. Again, it was awhile back!) It was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "daphne"","block_context":{"text":"daphne","link":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/category\/daphne\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":458,"url":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/widowhood-season-8-2-i-agree-with-pat-metheny\/","url_meta":{"origin":517,"position":3},"title":"Widowhood Season 8.2: Jazz Guitar","author":"Daphne Lightner","date":"July 2, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"5-5-7, Pat Metheny Group, Letter From Home I will forever associate Pat Metheny with Kevin because he's the one who would download random songs featuring this wonderful jazz guitarist and play them for me. There are so many songs I could have picked, but I chose this one because it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "daphne"","block_context":{"text":"daphne","link":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/category\/daphne\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":513,"url":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/widowhood-season-8-12-all-the-pathos-you-can-keep\/","url_meta":{"origin":517,"position":4},"title":"Widowhood Season 8.12: All the pathos you can keep","author":"Daphne Lightner","date":"July 13, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"The King of Rock and Roll, Prefab Sprout, Two Weels Good\/Steve McQueen Ah, yes, Prefab Sprout, some rather find britpop, if I may say so. Vaguely remember when Kevin played their stuff for me for the first time. I'm pretty sure this song was one of the first ones. It\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "daphne"","block_context":{"text":"daphne","link":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/category\/daphne\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":564,"url":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/widowhood-season-9-02-finch-task-1\/","url_meta":{"origin":517,"position":5},"title":"Widowhood Season 9.02–Finch Task 1","author":"Daphne Lightner","date":"July 3, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm doing well but it still hurts. As always. Writing is hard. I hate putting words to my feelings because it means they're real. I can't pretend the loss of him didn't scar me. But I've learned that processing that pain is tricky. Still it needs to be done. Which\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "daphne"","block_context":{"text":"daphne","link":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/category\/daphne\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=517"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":518,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517\/revisions\/518"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=517"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=517"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/minimoog.net\/daphne\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=517"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}